So Strap your legs to the tip of your guitar

I sorta feel like almost everything sucks at the moment.
So, I haven't even been at the new job for a week, and I'm starting to feel stressed about it. The back room is so incredibly out of order to the point that when I'm alone in the morning I'm shifting and fixing huge sections of the back. As much as I want to be able transfer to Woodbridge (Please Lord let this girl turn it down!) I almost want the Monmouth store, just because I'm working on perfecting it and it's growing on me. I kinda want to be rewarded for all of my hard work. Nicole mentioned yesterday that Keith's probably coming down for a visit in a few weeks, and honestly I'm stoked about him coming. Just so I can tell him everything that this chick is doing wrong. I may start keeping a log, for example, yesterday she was late, was in the store for a hot second before going to Journeys for twenty-thirty minutes, then comes back to the store, and for the last two and a half hours I was there, she was on the phone the whole time and in and out of the store. All of this is while I'm fixing more the back room, shifting and putting stock numbers on boxes that should have already been there, if not by the warehouse then by whoever put them away. The store is a hot mess. But if I don't get Woodbridge then I'm starting to want the store, it's starting to become a project for me.
So in the midst of stressing about the store (which is uber little, it's eight of my natural strides from one wall to the other) I starting thinking about me and Pete again, and this limbo crap. I had wanted to talk to him about the distance and whatever. But then even thinking about wanting to talk about one thing, makes me think about everything else, and start stressing about that. It's not terrible, what we're doing, per se, but it's not really what I want. I know things could be worse, so part of my brain is just saying 'go with it and see what happens.' When we did break-up (or whatever...) he had said that he wants to be able to miss me sometimes, which I sorta get, since we worked right across from each other, then spent time with each other, so we saw each other a lot. And now he's gonna be able to miss me. When I did go over the other night he told me he missed me a couple times, and that made me smile. So after talking about this crap for a little bit we're still doing limbo, but part of me is like 'give it a couple weeks of him missing me and we'll see where we stand.' But then I had another idea, I want to ask him if he's down with if we're still doing limbo by our three year anniversary, which it will be regardless of limbo or back together, we'll get back together. I have a feeling he's gonna tell me that I'm putting unnecessary pressure on it, but I'm giving seven months le way. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I think that that idea is resonable. But whatevs.
And I kinda want get something pierced or a tattoo, or something. Yesss.

So I started my new job as the co-manager in Monmouth yesterday, and I know I shouldn't really be all judgy yet since it's only day two, but I don't think I'm gonna like it. The manager is an idiot, she's 18 and a gossip monger, and annoying. And I'm not overly fond of the people that I have met. And it's sorta far for me to commute to, it's not bad, bbuutt there's a spot for a co-manager in Woodbridge last I heard. So I text Keith today and asked if I could get transfered, he hasn't gotten back to me yet, but I hope that he'll at least talk to me about it. I know that Keith knows that this chick is an idiot, he told Pete that if I do really well, likes he think I will, he would try to give me the store, but unless I'm gonna get the store crazy soon, I don't really want to stay there, I'd rather be in Woodbridge, I think it's a little more me, more my speed, and CLOSER! Plus the stock room in Monmouth is super disgusting, it's so incredibly fucked up, even trying to do transfers today, I couldn't find anything easily, I had to search. ICK. So, I hope I can at least try out Woodbridge.

So, talked to Keith today and as of Friday I will probably have a brandy-new job.
Woo.
But it sounds like full time is co-manager, since the full time position is 45/45+ hours a week, and the manager and I would alternate between the two days off a week, and one day off a week. So, yeah it sounds very much like co-manager.

But before I talked to Keith, I got to talk to Pete for a few minutes and he told me that Keith said that the manager in there at the moment is a complete idiot, and that if I'm any good he might try to offer me the store. I don't know what I would do, I mean with school and everything. It's flattering, to say the least. So I sorta hope that sh is an idiot and I see if he would offer me the store. Haha.

So, I get to talk to Keith tomorrow about the Journeys Kidz, I'm excited. Also due to the fact that Pete told me that he's considering me to be the co-manager of the store. Woo. Apparently that store is a goldmine too, and I hope so 'cause that would make the commission awesome.

And my mom's home sick today, and driving me up a wall...

So, last night Maggie and I checked out my possible new work digs at Monmouth. Little store, screechy girls in the back, but there is still hope for managment. But the Journeys a couple stores down is gorgeous! I still can't get over it. So nice. But yeah, working there is gonna be bad, they have a food court, a Coldstone, a buffet (in the mall, whoa), a Fridays and a Chilis in the parking lot. And the Journeys Kidz is right next to a Forever 21, and I've heard talk of an H&M opening in the mall. This could be bad news.

After that I went to Pete's later in the night. We had a really nice night. We were all cuddly, and kissy, and then some, three times. :) But I got to ask him about all the chicks and they're pretty much all lesbians. Hooray for girls liking girls. And one of the chicks is an ex-girlfriend, ew. But I have nothing to worry about. On a rational level, I know that, but a couple bad days throws me off. What're ya gonna do?

Football sorta sucks. This Super Bowl is really boring, even the commercials blow.

So, yeah, I think I want to start keeping up with this thang again. I vented here last night, and it was nice.

Why can't life be like the movies, where everything just turns out right for everyone. And no matter how much a relationship can get fucked up, they always end up back together in the most cheesy way. And, I'm quite jealous. I wish things were that easy. Especially when you know that you're just going to end up back together.
I keep bitching about my being stuck in my little mess, but after a sorta eh few days, it starts to get to me. And I fixate on things, and I get morose about it.
I just want things to be back to how they were, and for us to stop kidding ourselves. I don't see why picking things back up would be so bad... I mean, sometimes you need to take a step backwards before you take a step forward.

And as for working on things, the thing is, I don't remember what we're supposed to be working on. How's that for being stuck. I just don't know. I mean, I know we had issues, what relationship doesn't. I know that we both had, have jealously issues. But I just don't know if that's the thing we're working on. I don't know. I do think I've worked on my shit a little. I try not to take things out of proportion with him, I usually try to vent to people before I bring something up to him, so I don't end up bitching him out, like I did. And to those people who I do bitch to, you're my rocks, and I love you. But I think that's it's helpig me. So, I learning how to pick my battles, and when I do, I'm learning not to be a bitch about it. Sure, I get a little snippy, but that I don't know how not to do. So, I'm working on my jealousy, and I'm learning, and I'm a work in progress. And I'm proud of my progress, until I get to a shitty couple of days and then I just fixate on every little thing that could be something, but is ultimately nothing.

UGH!

This sorta sucks.

I don't know if this is just because today sorta sucked, but I'm feeling icky at the moment about the whole me and Pete thing.
I was looking at his friends on myspace before and there are all these new chicks who I have no idea who they are. And now I can't help but think that he's talking to one of them. I know I'm just being paranoid, but there is the off chance that he could be. I don't think that he would start talking to someone and still be with me with what we're doing, whatever the hell this is.
But I guess I'll hopefully see him tomorrow or this weekend so I can see him, and try to un-snippily ask who these bitches are.

But next week I'll probably have a new job, yay. And I'll be in a new mall in a couple weeks probably. And for me and Pete this is either going to be fantastic for us and make us stop doing this limbo bullshit, or it's going to be so bad, and we'll just stop being an us. I really want to sit him down and see what he would do if someone blatantly hit on him and tried to get a date out of him. I just want to know... I just want things to work out. We're lobsters.

10 facts about yourself, then tag 5 people to do the same.
1) I'm always, always cold.
2) I'm horribly head over heels in love.
3) I've cried more in the past year then I can ever remember.
4) I name most of my possessions, Lap top= Stella, Ipod= Shaniqua, Car= Lucy, etc.
5) I love to spend my money on shoes, and I just found an amazing pair of new black flats.
6) I'm pretty lazy, I blame my lack of athleticism on my asthma, but I'm mostly just lazy.
7) I miss some people, but full of trepidation about how things would unfold.
8) I'm can be a pretty jealous person when the time calls for it.
9) I have a pretty damn good memory, I can tell you off-hand what bra I was wearing on June 21, 2004. I don't know why, but I know it was the yellow bra that I don't have anymore.
10)I absolutely cannot wait to live with Pete.
I tag...Jessie, Sylvia, Russell, Kyle, and Austin.

Why not, I'm bored anyway.
Stolen from Marcus.


ARE YOU:
1. A Cuddler?: Cha huh!
2. A morning person?: Not at all.
3. Are you a perfectionist?: A little bit...yeah.
4. An only child?: Yeah.
5. Catholic?: Nope.
6. In your pajamas?: All the time.
7. Currently suffering from a broken heart?: Nah.
8. Okay styling other people's hair?: Nope, not at all.
9. Left handed?: Unless you want me to write like a kindergartener
10. Addicted to MySpace?: Not really.
11. Shy around the opposite gender?: Nah.

DO YOU:
12. Bite your nails?: Yeah.
13. Get paranoid at times?: Who doesn't.
14. Currently regret something that you have said?: Not at all.
15. Curse frequently when you get mad?: Depends.
16. Enjoy country music?: Very little.
17. Enjoy jazz music?: Yes'm.
18. Enjoy smoothies?: Very much, my favorite place to get them closed, very sad.
19. Enjoy talking on the phone?: Depends on the person that I"m on the phone with.
20. Have a lot to learn?: Of course.
21. Have a pet?: Yeah, a couple a cats.
22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person?: Not at all.
23. Have all your grandparents?: Nope
24. Have at least one sibling?: Nah
25. Have been told that you are smart?: Yes.
26. Have a broken bone: Fractured, not broken.
27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone?: Yep.

LAST PERSON WHO
1. Slept in your bed beside you?: Pete
2. Saw you cry?: Pete
3. Went to the movies with you?: Ma
4. You went to the mall with?: Pete
5. You went to dinner with?: Pete
6. You talked to on the phone?: Pete
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really mean it?: Pete
8. Broke your heart?: Never really been broken, hurt, but never broken.
9. Made you laugh?: Pete (are you seeing a trend here?)

ARE YOU..
1. Simple or complicated?: Some would say.
2. Generally a happy person?: Most of the time.
3. Hard core?: maybe....

DO YOU PREFER. .
1. Flowers or candy?: both.
2. Gray or black?: Black.
3. Color or Black and white photos?: Depends on the picture.
4. Lust or love?: Depends on the mood, but I love being in love, and being in lust while in love is the greatest...so both.
5. Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset.
6. M&Ms or Skittles?: M&Ms
7. Staying up late or waking up early?: Staying up late.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
1. Do you like anyone?: Very much, I could be difficult and say no, I don't like anyone, because I love them.
2. Do they know it?: Very much.

DO YOU PREFER...
1. Sun or moon?: Moon.
2. Winter or Fall?: You can call it fall if that's what you please, but I say I like autumn.
3. Left or right?: Right....
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?: Two best friends.
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream: Vanilla.
7. Vodka or Jack?: If I had to choose....vodka.

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU? (YES OR NO)
1. Had a b/f or g/f?: Yeah.
2. Bought something you didn't need?: Always.
4. Sang in front of people: Quite possibly.
5. Been kissed: Very much.
6. Been hugged: Alot.
7. Felt stupid: It's summer, of course I have.
8. Missed someone: Yes.
9. Danced Crazy: Yeah.
10. Gotten your hair cut: I think so.
11. Cried: Yeah, it happens.

MY NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and 18 tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo